Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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