Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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