Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
