I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
