Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
