No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
