I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
