Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
