He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
