ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
