I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
