so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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