i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
