I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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