Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
