1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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