I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
