the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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