I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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