I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
