I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
