how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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