What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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