My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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