You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
