So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
