those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
