Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
