I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
