she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
