i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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