apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
