you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
