Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
