my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
