just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
