so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
