My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
