they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
