dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
