Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
