I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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