i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
