Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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