a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
