i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
