You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
