i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
