Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
