i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
