my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
When are your genitals available?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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