I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
