would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
