when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
