i think my mom watched the whole time
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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