I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
