I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
