There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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